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cain macwitish
September 2009 
Narcissism vs "Being a Stand"
Posted on Dec 29th, 2006
by 
Cain
Cain
Tonight I was feeling a little "blue" when I got home... So I ate some salad, had a beer and went for a walk to "look into" what's "goin' on" with me... After "checking in" with "myself" I've come to the conclusion, that I'm being too narcissistic... e.g. too focused on"myself" and not enough on what I'm here to provide to others...
For the hell of it here's what my narcissistic/damaged selves seem to be shouting about:
-What the fuck am I dong working a shitty "entry level" tech support job after 20 years doing computer shit?!?! Hello?! shouldn't you be like a CTO somewhere or something...
-Why the hell don't I have a girlfriend... 'common living in the middle of nowhere is no excuse... WTF is my problem...
-NYE is coming up and it looks like I'm not giging any anywhere(again)... How useless is a DJ that can't DJ... You're about as useless as a drummer that doesn't play in a band...
Hmmm... OK thanks for sharing...
After acknowledging where my narcissistic/damaged selves are "at"... Here's what "the master" says "I" should be focused on...
Meditation... Haven't been formally meditating every day... No excuses "just do it"...
Of course you're frustrated but we're "rebuilding" it hasn't been exactly an easy past 8 months... you're ok and working toward what you should be doing... you need your job for now so you can move to the "next step"
regarding the next step... finish writing your business plan for your company by the en of January, and the start "enrolling" people.
A new partner will materialize in your life when the time is ripe... not sooner not later, your job is just to be ready and to recognize her when she appears.
Everything is perfect as it is... be a "stand" for what you'd like, but drop you're attachment...
OK I can live with that... I feel better...
;-D
now for a little musical accompanyment. Cerrone's - Sympathy
Access: PublicTagged with: cain macwitish, music, work, jobs, girlfreinds, relationships, depression, expression, joy
Way to go Cain! Great Post! I am so feeling you man…I hear you, and I'll testify to the same feelings right now…talking to what I call my “smelly self”. LOL
I hear you–I've been there. A few years ago I got dumped by my gf of three years, left my masters program, moved states, essentially failed at my job, and wasn't doing anything of substance musically. Did lots of introspection and really committed myself to meditation and Buddhist studies. I think it's good not to be too attached to any single definition of success or happiness. Let it flow :)
Now I have a great job, fiancé, building a new house, joined a Sangha, and finally got some decent music composition gigs. Things are going great, but I am finally comfortable in “groundlessness” and trying not to attach myself to hope (which always lets us down). I'm enjoying the ride.
It'll come (and go).
OK I finally turned on the speakers and listened to your MP3…I Love it!