I just "rejiggered" my zaadz page AGAIN... Hope you like it...

 http://cain.zaadz.com

Fuck.

My direct experience of people recently leads me to this conclusion.

Fuck.

All my years of  "spiritual" training.

All I can say is "Fuck"

And remeber the "real" people I know.

But still... Fuck...

Wow... I really get to expand my compassion fo the "blindness" of people, but still... Fuck....

Look OK, so Jesus Christ, I'm technically Fucking Homeless... But Fuck, has everyone been so "brainwashed" by the "american propaganda system"  that They can't see I'm just a person like them, who doesn't have a place to live right now...

I'm fucking struggling to make enough money most  days doing shitty Day Labor work for "Labor Ready", while I look for a "real" job... I have no saftey net... the '01 dot com crash, and 9/11 after effects have ensured that... Does my current position strike fear into people that they too are probably ony a few paychecks away from homelessness? I would think so... In a way that so fuckin sad...

Why am I "going off" about this today... I'll tell you... When I cane to San Fran from Chicago to interview with Six Apart, I figured I'd just stick around and even if I didn't get the Six Apart ) job (which i didn't) I should be able to get a new Linux Admin job right??? It is Sillicon Valley right??? the econmoy is on the up right? I lived here before during the dot com booom...

Fuck...7 weeks now, some of the best interviews I've ever given, and still no job... Fuck...

So I have to work day labor for cash to pay for my hostel.... And if there's no work for me that day... I have to "camp out" that night... I'm ok with it... Its just what I have to do right now...

But fuck.... I told this girl recently... who seemed intrested in dating me, until she fucking freaked when i told her my current suituation... Fuck.... for somone who loves burning man, you'd think they'd be more open... But... I guess not... She did loan me $100.... but now she's being such a bitch about it.... I wish she hadn't.... Fuck....

and so it goes... This is why I'm in the conscousness evolution "buisness"... No "real" person who "knows who they are" would act this way... But the general fucking public... you better fucking believe it...

Fuck...

and now for "the message":

B.

You are obviously confused. Which you even admit. However; I am not one to put up with such fucking BS, and I'm about to speak to your SOUL because your Mind is so fucked. Which isn't unique, and puts you right in line with most of the population on the planet. So a least you have a lot of company. But to go from this message and saying that "I'm your favorite thing" on the phone to me, to being such a royal fucking bitch to me in such a short amount of time speaks to me to the "volume" of your delusion. I personally wish I hadn't accepted to $100 from you, because last night I saw clearly how much negative shit you've attached to it. It make me just want to "camp out" for the next five days so I can pay you back as soon as possible, because I don't need such "cockroach" mentality in my life.

Of course the course of your life is up to you and you don't HAVE to be such a FUCKING CUNT, but you are... That is what you've chosen, and I choose not to participate... I feel bad for you because you are FAR FAR FAR poorer than i am if if i am a penniless street bum, I hope your SOUL breaks outta that shit... but unfortunately I doubt it....

-C

On 10/24/06 areulookingforlove-inallthewrongplaces@ wrote:

you are seriously insane, Cain :-)...i am glad i didn't let you stay in my house - i would have been killed by now....WHAT negativity? what are you talking about???? i was in a middle of dinner when you called and i only pick up the phone since i thought it might be something related to my mom (she is sick). So, i couldn't talk...and i am also not attracted to u - it's my other flaw, sorry...but i did have a pleasant conversation with u (in my perception at least), drove you to a fun party and even landed you some money which is a lot more than most people woudl do for a complete stranger..(which you wish you never took - so perhaps u can give it back? that would be lovely since i have to pay back a loan by the end of next week and need it).

 

take care and good luck.

V

From: Cain MacWitish cainmac@g
Date: Tue, 24 Oct 2006 14:18:56 -0700
Subject: Re: and why u are...
To: areulookingforlove-inallthewrongplaces@

look honey... you laying on so much BS right now, you can't even smell it...
Like I said... I'm not talking to your mind with its reasons and
justifications... I'm talking to you soul that's buried in the BS you call a
personality right now... You're money... the day I have it is the day you'll
have it but what day that will be who knows... maybe next century at this
rate...

I made $400 yesterday for 4 hours work, wall mounting a 42" LCD  TV for someone..

 I (Heart) Craigslist...

;-D

Job interview lined up with Silicon Graphics on Monday, and I'm talking to Electronic arts about some consulting... Somethings gotta break soon, and raise me outta "survival mode"... Then... it's back to the music...